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August 24, 2019

Aug 10, 2019


On my birthday well the day before I decide I would not drag this sadness into the "new year" with me and I let it all out in tears and started off bright but a little under a month into it I fell into a downward spiral. I had just had it.

I am finally done with it done. Cut all the negatives away, fully committed to myself. 

No more having that hanging over me or pleasing people even though I hated it (social media) I would for marketing but not anymore, just want healthy for me. I disliked a lot of what I saw. Just don’t want to live like that. Tiny doses now and barely on. I'm not getting sucked into that life anymore. Not caring anymore and more loving me, more prioritizing me, more looking out for me and more inner peace that I deserve. 

I don’t have to please you and keep you entertained. 

No more draining on me.

No more seeing negativity.

No more stressing me out.

No more ungratefulness or using.

No more seeking approval. 

Or trying to get people to like me.

Or trying to understand. 

To over analyze. 

No more seeing fake worlds and lies.

No more feeling like I’m under a microscope. 

You don’t deserve to spy in my life without adding positivity to it.

No more entitlement.



What I like about my job:- 

The freedom. I'd be miserable at a 9-5.

The money

Connections, the good ones.

Travel, exploring and adventure.


Being my boss.

Being able to work remotely.

Being able to take time off when I want. 

Being myself.

Being able to enjoy hobbies. 



What I don’t like:- 

The narrative.

The judgement 

Not being human

The racism

The hatred, envy etc

The cliques 

The antis

The fakery and dissillusionment 

The entitlement and users 

The sadness

The loneliness 

The dry spells 

The disappointments


The stress

The thefts/plagiarism 

Need I go on?


The pros far outweigh the negatives to me.

In a way, this world it’s like 48 Laws of Power, some of the laws. To have to have no conscience or be a bit sociopath. It is in the real world as well. Why do when others can fulfill your need for you and you can get credit for it blah blah blah. I can see how that would be off benefit. How do you feel at the end of the day.  I said sociopath so you feel nothing or narcism, I think only of myself and my needs. A lot of people fall into the later category. Sometimes I ask myself if I myself am a narcissist. Please let me know, I am curious. Mental illness is prominent here. It's more than being cold or hoe tactics, it's really much more, to be a certain kind of person. I do have my issues I've written on. Successfully manipulate but for how long how long can that facade lasts, or perhaps too spell bound to notice till it’s late. It’s on to the next really. No feelings. Is this how to live forever? Is it ever enough?


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