Red Pill, Blue Pill Game

August 16, 2019

Aug 26, 2018

 

This was a hard one. I voted blue cause I know there are a lot of things I’d like to change about myself and if given a chance with all I know know I’d take it. Vs me aging with money but I’d still be a hot 45yr old 😝

On the flip side, I can see people picking red if they’re over 45 and going back with extra money and years. You could also invest that and it grows. 

 

With the blue pill it would have been nice if it said 17 maybe 18 lol but we didn’t get that option. I remember 10, it was an interesting year for me, was my first time in school here, was the first time a guy had a crush on me, I remember his name too, was the first time I decided to be a girl lol well more feminine, this was after I found out about the crush. I was shocked and a little embarrassed. Then I started to like him but he had a gf. Funny I remember all their names. Was still a little religious girl like bfs are wrong and oh too young for that blah blah. I’m blushing writing this but the memories. He had really cool hair and I was like wow you like me. I had had other crushes younger but this was the first one that liked me first. Then he moved away. 

 

But what if I could seduce or knock this person out and have both pills. I’d take the red first and put in a bank in my name or gift it from my long lost Aunt Elise for my 18th birthday then take the blue lol. Crazy butterfly effect though but we have some magic time pill so does that count? 😂

 

I experienced a lot of culture shock then. The kids were so mean and disrespectful at school, it was weird to me. I also didn’t understand why they treated the special needs kids do bad, didn’t want to be friends with them or teased. I remember one, Natalie, very sweet girl but she got treated like shit by some of the girls in class. I also remember sorta ditching a friend. I was making new friends and I said something negative about her and she heard about it. I felt guilty about that. I never apologized either but she was mad at me plus I got to skip a grade so it made the change easier. 

 

That year was also the first time I noticed race and more things started to make sense. Literally was my first time around others constantly vs back at home and people I was used to. I had one Afro Latina friend and I couldn’t understand why she was Hispanic cause she looked like me same shade and all or the mixed kids. 

 

I find it interesting I remember a lot of their names and I wonder if they remember me too. 10 was a significant part of my life

 

Now that I’m older I remember some other friends from childhood one of my then besties Sabina and she was mixed too but I never realized if then she moved to then ”Holland” and gifted me a book, I loved it. Primary 3 though, blue classroom and she sat behind me. Always had her hair in pigtails and never did the weekly hairstyle but she wasn’t punished for it. Anyway that’s off the 10yr but writing this jogged my memory. 

 

Sorry I went off but when I write I get carried away and I can’t stop. It’s very therapeutic and Z enjoy it. We went from pills to this😅

I love Instagram for this aspect, a lot of this I will not share on my twitter. Less clutter  less BS or drama on my feed. It feels like my space (literally my space like my own space not the dead site Facebook killed).

I guess you guys know me better than my Twitter folk 😂a little open diary that my blog used to be. I keep those writings to myself...for now. 

 

On the crush topic I remember my first one, he was a bad boy, like one of those kids that were bad and good to adult figures, very smart too. Primary one. We were seat partners then. He would reach under my panties and rub me and we would both smell it. It stopped when he got promoted. Do you call it assault or kids experimenting? I was 5yrs old and it was a regular occurrence. 

. I saw him when I was older when I returned back to Lagos for secondary school, I remember what he did to me. I never spoke to him again. I still remember so many years later. 

 

I remember doing that in front of my mom and I got in trouble. On the topic of trouble and sexuality, I got in trouble for watching Soul Plane. You guys remember that movie? My mom was like we are bad kids and not godly blah blah how can we sit and watch that nonsense and not leave or turn off the tv. She woke us up at 4 in the morning and made us fetch  water to fill the barrels. It was pouring rain hard. I’ll never forget that punishment. Growing up if a movie got naughty or “bad” we had to leave the room. I remember peeping through the holes in the door to watch some movies. One particular Death Bed movie I remember her shooing us away. This bed swallowed people that had sex on it. A lot of movies some with blood and a shower and snakes some Indiana Jones movies. 

 

Do you guys remember people from your distant past?Or incidences? Full names?

I do.I still sucked two fingers then so I did that and twirled my hair lol. That was the day I stopped.

 

In Summary:-

Definitely the blue pills. Going back with a future mindset👌🏽  Going back knowing myself.

Going back not letting myself be influenced by my parents or religion

Going back never meeting ex’s  

Going back being smarter

Going back taking me to 100 

Going back never doubting myself

Going back never caring for what others think about me

Going back being more open, more brave more confident

Going back doing what I want 

So many things...

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