Going though my past writing to edit for publishing, I came across this unsent letter
I felt so much pain reading it, in fact now as I’m writing my breathing is heavy and so is my heart, I am transported back to that awful scenario that I locked away. So many things have happened in my journey I just want the pain to go away.
Feb 26, 2017
This is reason why victims never speak up because they are afraid. He paid for my time and not for the perceived pleasure of raping me. Many victims of abuse are silent for fear of the aforementioned shame. I am not the silent type; I feel so much pain inside but it is better to keep ladies safe than to hide in fear. You have no idea how embarrassing and demeaning this situation is to even have to justify it terribly upsetting. He, like all my clients, agreed to a set of conditions that also include not posting disparaging comments about me, taking pictures, or recording video. As he has broken all three, he is in violation.
I'm not a vengeful person and it is a serious offense; my regular friends can vouch for me. Someone did something very wrong to me, this still affects me today and I want to move on with my life. I am not ok but I am trying to be strong.
If I fire someone as a client, I should be able to move on. If I want to cease communication, I should be able to. I should not have to be harassed or forced to respond. Instead of moving on he decided to post that lie in order to ruin my business, in order to gain my attention. No one is entitled to me, no one controls me.
Don't you think this is more retaliation because I spoke up about what happened. I've heard back from other ladies who have had bad experiences with him. Someone who is still trolling me till today. He knows what he did. Now it becomes a he said she said.
Board culture gives men so much power to say anything, I have a million perfect 10 fake reviews I have tried to get taken down, but it is their experience. Women have no power.
That site gives ladies problems with delisting, and I wish they would let me remove myself from there. You have no idea how embarrassing and how much shame this is to me. Some people will never speak of if such a horrible thing happened to them. I did report this to blacklist sites the day of the incident.
And I really wish they would delist me, but they give ladies a hard time. We have nowhere to turn to. I have proof that discredits that review, times stamps and all. This is someone and stalking me with fake appointment requests with triggering words. We have nowhere to turn to. I am happy I have helped other ladies and I will always do my best to be honest and keep the community safe.
I wish for others to be brave and come forward when bad things happen to them. Because we are sex workers does not mean we deserve to be assaulted and to keep shut about it.
I myself also have proof that discredits that review, but this is not about that. Lots of men post revenge reviews against sex workers when things don't go their way or to attack them.
The way life is it make it seem like victims should just not say anything, it is sad unfortunately.
Please understand, if I had done anything to warrant this kind of review, then I would own it, as clients’ experiences do vary. This, NONETHELESS, is not the case with this man.
He knows and completely understands what he did, he even knows that he crossed many established lines of protocol, the problem is that he doesn't care. He’s displayed bad behavior with quite a few girls and relies on their fear of shaming, fear of exposure, and innate pride to keep them quiet. This is exactly what ALL date rapists do, they blame us for their actions. I’m sure you understand exactly what I mean by now. A client at no time has the right to break the verbal and written contract for menu services that are to be offered.
The purpose of this site was supposed to keep women safe and some ladies really value oks from an established provider. I do not want my name to be tied in any ways to someone I deem unsafe.
I did my part as a provider and reference giver. I cannot give an ok to someone who doesn't deserve it. I want others to be safe and not go through what I did. I came to you guys to remove my ok because I cannot have my name tied to someone I deem unsafe an ok. That was about it.
I don't care about reviews but I do care about a safe community.
I also have information I am willing to share that beats any fabricated review. Concrete evidence with times stamps of me contacting my friends after the incident happened and informing them, one can only tell friends/family first. One must rest and process such a scenario. I have people who can back me up on this. That is 3 people who can say I informed them of this the day it happened.
I have proof I blacklisted him the day of the event.
21 pages back as of 2/25 is not I just decided after a review I reported the day of on the 14th
Proof with the date of the report too.
I also have proof of him recording me, I do not allow pics or videos.
Proof of him relentlessly harasses me with emails, and texts me multiple times a day and insists that he will force me to talk with him one way or another. No one ever wants to see, hear from, or talk to their rapist after being victimized and traumatized.
It basically means we have no right to talk or speak even if you get the courage months later to because it is deemed as retaliating. I understand some providers are retaliate but I am not one of them, do not have a vengeful spirit in me. It really ruins/discredits things for honest ladies.
I was a hermit that week. No one believes such a thing would ever happen to them, then to be reminded of such a terrible incident when one of my good friends brought it up.
I really just want to move on, I’m getting help and having family around me I am happy for that but this scar is permanently in my life and I will overcome it. I would rather not remember this incident, it’s always someone you know who breaks your trust. Stats are right.
Always wanting to blame the victim I have done nothing wrong. I am not ok. I can't see my friends without feeling disgusted, dirty or paranoid. I do not like this feeling.
So with all my proof who has the malicious intent? This was posted after my rebranding, new pics, new website, new hair/look, new me.
Ter and it’s members are well known for the number of fake and slanderous reviews and misogynic culture. I fired him as a client assaulting me, crossing my boundaries, recording me, harassing me, and completely disrespecting me.
I did not just wake up and decide after a bad review, I don't look at my reviews I don't care for them. I stopped accepting reviews in 2016.
Thank you for helping to make the community a safer place.